9 December 1997 - FIFTH TELETUBBY
I've got a new job as the fifth Teletubby, Franny, but it isn't half as much fun as I was hoping it'd be. For starters, the other Tubbies all make fun out of my name, and when I jokingly called Po "Poo", the four of them pushed me into a storage cupboard and knocked me about for an hour. The beating was so savage that I lost five teeth.
The ringleader seems to be Dipsy, who is quite the opposite of her on-screen persona. Not only does she drink heavily, but she swears like a trooper.
10 December 1997 - FIFTH TELETUBBY
Being a Teletubby is awful. I'm woken at 4am every morning by Tinky Winky, who smashes me round the head with his handbag - which is full of snooker balls.
La La then serves me breakfast, which is decided upon every morning by Dipsy. Some mornings it's Guinness, other mornings I have to eat a plate of raw egg yolks and soot, while the other Tubbies shout and jeer. For lunch I'm not allowed to eat anything, but the others get sandwiches. My tea is usually one of Tinky Winky's droppings.