The Man With A Long Chin's Diary

 

Secret Agent

20/11/96 - 23/11/96

20 November 1996 - SECRET AGENT

My spymasters have sent me on a mission to escort an attractive thug to safety.

The thug is carrying secret info' in his brain relating to a new type of sweetie he is thinking of inventing. My spymasters want to ensure they try it before anyone else.

I'm due to meet the thug at a nightclub tonight, and ask him if the sweetie will taste nice. If he says yes, I'm expected to take him back to my bosses' house and have a dance with him.


22 November 1996 - SECRET AGENT

I've been asked to go on a mission with a beautiful Russian agent called Mrs Vladimir Amadeus Le Boogie.

Together we're to track down the hidden base of the evil megalomaniac Gary Kemp (no relation). Kemp is believed to have a hidden base somewhere down the high street, possibly above Kwik Save or Thomas Cook. Our plan is to infiltrate his base by posing as a pair of fops who wish to enter his house to smell his carpet and that.


23 November 1996 - SECRET AGENT

My life as a spy is over. I have been forced to resign following the disastrous outcome of my last mission.

I was expected to put an end to the evil ways of the megalomaniacal Ronson Buff, who lives in an old post office by a river. I arrived at the post office by boat, climbed out went up to the front door and let myself in. Unfortunately, Buff was waiting for me in the hall, and upon my entrance began huffing and puffinf like he was going to explode. I was so scared I ran away.


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