24 September 1997 - SHORT-SIGHTED IDIOT
My eyesight has deteriorated to such a point that I've become a Mr Magoo-style goon! Honestly - my vision is so poor, it's hilarious!
Last night I thought the engine of my car was on fire, but then I looked again and realised I wasn't even in my car - I was in my living room armchair, and the "engine" was my gas fire. I had to laugh. However, I didn't laugh when I later ate what I thought was a bowl of cornflakes. They were really triple-strength laxatives!
25 September 1997 - SHORT-SIGHTED IDIOT
My eyesight us terrible! I went to the shops yesterday and thought I was being attacked by a flock of crows. It turns out that I'd actually walked into a hedge. I tells you - I was scratched to pieces!
After that I went home to watch my "television", which turned out to be a cardboard box which had light playing on it from the window. I'm awful! I even went to bed last night on top of my neighbour's Vauxhall Astra. I dread to think where I went to the toilet.