1 October 1997 - VAMPIRE BABYSITTER
I've been trying to teach the vampire babies how to talk, but the only thing they seem interested in is biting my toes off.
Take the vampire baby called Fritz, for example. We were happily reading an A-Z of London when he suddenly grabbed hold of my knee with his mouth, and started dragging me around the room. His teeth were sinking deep into my knee-bones, but I couldn't risk punching him off me in case his parents, Mr and Mrs James Nosferatu, had me arrested.