Being A Supermodel
20/5/96-25/5/96
20 May 1996 - BEING A SUPERMODEL
As you can see, I've lost a lot of weight, and have consequently been signed up as a supermodel.
My first assignment is to jump about on a stage wearing a mini-skirt with bits of cork and gum on it. This is to promote a new range of slide-rules from local stationers JE Supplies Ltd.
I created a bit of a stir when I did a really big spin-off into one of the pencil cases on display.
24 May 1996 - BEING A SUPERMODEL
I've been out in the Maldives on a shoot for a 1997 office supplies calendar.
The photographer has been really awakward: his favourite lense is 23 feet long, and he think it's funny to smash it into my jaw the whole time.
For one shot, he had me hanging from a motorbike sidecar. As I sped past, he lashed out with the lense and knocked me flying into a postbox. The photographer's name is Fran Phrases.
25 May 1996 - BEING A SUPERMODEL
I've got in a bit of trouble over a brand of diet ice-cream I endorsed in a TV ad.
It transpires that it contains unacceptable levels of asbestos and bauxite, and that anyone consuming more than a handful is likely to suffer the following side-effects:
Extra-puffy head; swelling of the nose and the knees; blocking of the mouth; weeping of the front; cracking of the tum-tum; general snakery and snap-snap.
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