The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Man And Gretl


9 June 1998 - MAN AND GRETL

It's awful being lost in the woods – it's full of strange creatures, like squirrels and that, which really scare me. My cousin, Gretl, and I thought our salvation was at hand last night when we came across what we assumed to be a road.

Unfortunately, when Gretl pointed out that the tarmac was flowing, we realised that it was in fact a river. Still, we passed a few moments by trying to catch a lobster, but when we succeeded it turned out to be a carrier bag wrapped around a branch.

10 June 1998 - MAN AND GRETL

Yesterday my cousin, Gretl, and I were lost in the woods and today things couldn't be any better - we're being looked after by a kindly old, green-faced woman with a hooked nose, who is letting us stay in her house until we remember where we live.

It's a bit weird here, though. I think the house is made out of sweets, but they've all gone rotten, so it's a bit difficult to be sure. Also, the woman keeps laughing at a book she's reading called "How To Cool And Eat Children, By Me, The Witch". And she smells bad.

12 June 1998 - MAN AND GRETL

Gretl and I tried to escape last night from the witch who wants to cook us and eat us. The three of us had been sitting watching a video of last Sunday's EastEnders' omnibus when I gave Gretl the signal, and we put our daring plan into action.

Simultaneously we both stood up, baffling the witch, and walked to the front door. As we turned the handle the witch asked us where we were going, and asked us to come back and watch the end of EastEnders. We're never going to escape this evil witch!

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