The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Being A Giant


7 May 1996 - BEING A GIANT

My career as a test pilot has been tragically curtailed by a period of sustained growth which has rendered me 62 foot tall. I am now officially classed as a giant.

Of course there are the fun things, like being able to eat giant hamburgers and giant daffs. But there's also a downside: to get any sleep at night I have to turn into a giant weevil and burrow into Mount Everest.

10 May 1996 - BEING A GIANT

I was called out last night to help in another rescue.

A swingers club had got their legs stuck in a drainage culvert which was starting to fill up with waste from a parrot food factory.

By the time I arrived, they were hysterical and had started to bite through their ankles. To calm them down while the rescuers sawed their waists free, I pulled a tree out of the ground and smashed it against an ambulance.

11 May 1996 - BEING A GIANT

I'm getting really fed up with being a giant. Last night all these kids chased me down the street shouting stuff like "Big lad does it" and "Big lad gets chased".

I was forced into a cul-de-sac where they pulled my trousers down and stuffed them down a manhole. With my arms being the size they are, I was unable to retrieve them. As a result, all my body fat froze away and I quickly returned to normal size.

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