The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Being A Teacher


16 September 1994 - BEING A TEACHER

I'm almost back to normal. The only scars I bear are across my smouldering snap-snap.

I've been promised a job as a substitute teacher in a borstal. I'll be in charge of classes when the regular teacher collapses under the weight of his massive brown stetson.

23 September 1994 - BEING A TEACHER

For yesterday's PE class, I forced myself into a locker.

The boys' task was to squirt melted butter through the grille. It made a "pthh" sound as it cascaded into my socks.

I later paraded the socks before the PVR brigade. They're idiots!

24 September 1994 - BEING A TEACHER

The head of drama has been eaten by a pig! I've been asked to play oboe at his funeral - but I don't know how!

One of the boys, JD Harland, suggested I stuff the mouthpiece with seeds, so that when I blow - the seeds will grow!

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