The Man With A Long Chin's Diary




17 September 1996 - CAVEMAN

It's quite lonely being a caveman, so I've decided to find myself a mate. I popped into a singles bar last night, but they tried to throw me out when they saw I was filthy and naked.

I managed to break free from their grasp and leapt onto the bar, waving the jawbone of a sabretooth tiger (a bit of polystyrene). Rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet, I kept smashing the bone against the wall. It eventually broke and I went home.

18 September 1996 - CAVEMAN

I went fishing in my new coracle last night, but almost drowned when I tried to dance with a reed.

When I eventually returned to my cave, I discovered a couple of mastodons had wandered into my living room. Normally I'm quite keen on having a hairy elephant in front of the telly, but last night I was so wet and tired I just wanted to go to bed. I eventually scared them off by activating a buzzer.

19 September 1996 - CAVEMAN

I was awoken last night by a terrible sound from outside my cave. The sound seemed to be emanating from beyond a dusty ridge. As I listened, the sound became more defined – like the voices of a thousand angels.

I was gripped with a sudden rage. Picking up an ox jaw bone, I scrambled over the ridge, to be confronted by the source of the noise – a rectangular black monolith. Lifting the bone above my head, I smashed the black thing into tiny pieces. Heh – that showed it good!

20 September 1996 - CAVEMAN

I've given up being a caveman, after a bunch of skinheads burst into my cave last night and began taunting me. They said some really awful things, like: "Cave boy stink us good" and "Cave boy don't know nowt".

I was so upset that I packed my clothes and got the first bus home - at least, that's what I thought I did. You see - this whole caveman adventure had been nothing but a dream!

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