The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Christmas 1994


24 December 1994 - CHRISTMAS 1994

I've been wrapping up my family's Christmas gifts. For mother: a rubber peacock. For brother: a cork tune. For granny: a spinning tennis. For Ganny: a bent ouncer.

I've asked for Robot Johnson - the action doll that really lives up to its name! I hope Santa is all right now.

26 December 1994 - CHRISTMAS 1994

I hope you had a better Christmas than I did. For a start, the only present I got was a dolly made out of a coconut.

And then, during dinner, I was pinned to the ground by my mother and had my mouth sewn up. All I'd done was tell my granny she smelt like a wolves' nest.

27 December 1994 - CHRISTMAS 1994

I'm really trying to smile, but it is very hard. My granny forced the remains of a troll up my cracker, leaving me gasping for breath.

It happened so fast, I barely had time to pull my novelty out.

When my cracker eventually got tugged, my brother was nearly sick into the fire.

28 December 1994 - CHRISTMAS 1994

I hate all these stupid programmes they have on at Christmas. Last night we had to sit through eight hours of Hive Jive Live.

Wasps kept going in and coming out - but then a bee came along and sat on the queen.

They started dancing, and only stopped when a drone began sparkling.

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