The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Crash Test Dummy


11 February 1999 - CRASH TEST DUMMY

It's one thing to sit in remote-controlled cars while they're driven into walls at high speed by scientists, but it's another thing altogether to be strapped to a piano, hoisted up the tallest building in the country, then dropped onto a bed of knitting needles.

Luckily, my employer here at the crash test centre has never required me to be involved in such a test, though yesterday one exec did push me out of a third-floor window. I think he was just messing about, though.

13 February 1999 - CRASH TEST DUMMY

There's nothing quite as great as being in love, especially when the object of your affections is a crash test dummy called Dummy 47b. Trouble is, I can't bear to see my beloved driven at high speed into brick walls.

I've begun making all sorts of excuses to my employers as to why 47b cannot take part in tests, such as her arm has come loose, or her leg has fallen off, or she has caught fire. Sometimes I actually have to saw her leg off or set her on fire to make it convincing.

15 February 1999 - CRASH TEST DUMMY

I am in mourning today, as my beloved crash test dummy, Dummy 47b, has perished in a tragic accident. As all the dummies here at the test centre look so alike, I often had trouble distinguishing 47b from her brothers and sisters - often with hilariously embarassing results!

However, yesterday I was far from embarassed when 47b was fired from a cannon into hostile airspace, and destroyed by a cruise missile. All I have left to remind me of her is a singed bit of stuffing...

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