The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Dimension Explorer


16 February 1999 - DIMENSION EXPLORER

I've stopped loving crash test dummies now, and have a new job as an explorer of alternative dimensions. Last night I visited "Dimension Gammon", where the Allies lost World War II.

Interestingly, it isn't the fascist hell hole you'd expect, but a pretty good place. For instance, trains and buses all seem to run on time and there are plenty of art galleries and black magic centres around. Also, all the undesirables are made to live in Newcastle. So no change there, then.

17 February 1999 - DIMENSION EXPLORER

I'm spending some time travelling around alternative dimensions. It's quite good fun, but some of these dimensions are truly horrific. We call these "Hellworlds".

One such Hellworld is Dimension F, where the BBC never cancelled Doctor Who in 1989, and the series has continued to run ever since. Sylvester McCoy left the show in 1991 to be replaced as the Doctor by Nigel out of EastEnders. He was followed by Noddy Holder in 1993. The Doctor is currently played by Caesar The Geezer.

18 February 1999 - DIMENSION EXPLORER

As fun as it is exploring other dimensions, it can be a hair-raising experience at times. For instance, last night, while visiting Dimension Q, I was gagging for a ciggie and a can of lager, but couldn’t find an off-licence anywhere.

I later discovered that in Dimension Q, off-licences are known as "death bins". Also, newsagents are called "pits of sadness", hospitals "badness reflectors", churches "super temples", zoos "variety shows", and hi-fi shops are called "the galleries of Cygax".

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