The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Cruise Ship Clown/Imprisoned On Ship


5 March 1996 - CRUISE SHIP CLOWN

I've got a new job as the entertainments officer aboard a cruise liner called the SS Bruised Heart.

We've only just left Portsmouth and I've already had the passengers running around the deck out of sheer terror.

It was so funny! You see, I dressed myself up as a giant crab with a diseased claw. I lunged at passing passengers and sprayed them with a mixture of blood and glue.

6 March 1996 - CRUISE SHIP CLOWN

I organised a big fancy dress ball last night, but things didn't go too well.

I'd convinced the captain that he'd become really popular if he went dressed as a bear, but he mis-heard me and thought I suggested he attend the party "bare".

You can imagine the passengers' faces as he strolled into the ballroom wearing nothing but a small harness.


I don't like being locked in a laundry cupboard on a cruise liner. It isn't very nice at all!

Every few hours, when the laundry staff come in to retrieve some blankets, I try to escape. It isn't as easy as it might sound.

The laundry staff are armed with what looks like banana skins on the end of sticks. Also, they keep hitting the backs of my legs and it really stings.

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