The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Fat, Ugly Sci-Fi Fan


? February 1997 - FAT, UGLY SCI-FI FAN

Although I'm a science fiction fan, I also like other types of TV programme. For instance, I adore Quantum Leap, which is 90% drama and only 10% science fiction. I also enjoy The Prisoner, which is 100% drama, and 100% meaningless hogwash. But I still love it, man!

And, of course, let's not forget Red Dwarf, which is exactly 99% unfunny sitcom, and 1% Dr Who. It's hilarious! Sometimes I watch EastEnders, but I don't really understand it.

11 February 1997 - FAT, UGLY SCI-FI FAN

I've decided to become a science fiction fan, due to my above-average intelligence and obesity. I have already bought a tight T-shirt featuring a picture of Commander Riker saying: "I'm all-Rike!"

Also, I have started an intense debate on the Internet as to who is the better actor: Patrick Stewart or Ben Kenobi. I think it's Stewart, because he's a Yorkshireman, and at no time do you hear a trace of his accent. I think Kenobi always speaks that way.

15 February 1997 - FAT, UGLY SCI-FI FAN

I spent the whole of yesterday wandering up and down the High Street handing out leaflets. I was wearing an outfit which was standard Starfleet uniform on one side, and Tom Baker-era Doctor Who on the other.

The leaflets contained philosphical quotes from Captain Kirk and Doctor Who. My intention is that the quotes will help people to lead a more fulfilled life. Simple: "You Daleks are inhuman monsters."

17 February 1997 - FAT, UGLY SCI-FI FAN

I spent last night splicing together my Deep Space Nine and V videos to recreate the dialogue from a lost episode of Quatermass.

For instance, I would lift a word from Captain Sisko, and add it to words from Diana, the evil Visitor leader, to make a sentence which reads: "This is excellent." I eventually hope to have combined enough footage to re-make an entire hour of Quatermass and the Space Guys Who Wobble. If I do, I'll sell the tape at conventions for £15.

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