The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Freak Show


28 August 1998 - FREAK SHOW

I've stopped being a ghost now, because it was stupid. Instead, I'm now working for a travelling freak show called "The Big Show".

Of course, we don't have real freaks in our show - that'd be awful. You see, our "two-headed cat" is really a normal cat, with a tennis ball glued to the side of his face. I used a magic marker to draw some eyes and a smiley mouth on the ball for added effect. We also have a two-headed horse, which is really a normal horse, but with a massive cyst on the side of its head.

30 August 1998 - FREAK SHOW

We've received complaints that our freak show isn't nearly freaky enough. I've set about hiring some real freaks to spice things up.

For instance, we now have James Marshall, a man who can turn his eyelids inside out, and there's James Crossley, who can touch his nose with his tongue. However, our star attraction is Abigail Jameson, who is able to make herself pass out by holding her breath for about a minute or two. Don't try this, kids! Freak on!

31 August 1998 - FREAK SHOW

I think we're going to have to replace some of the freaks in our show, as they're looking a bit tatty now. Our CD-O-Hare - a rabbit with a copy of Dire Straits' Brothers In Arms CD tied to its back - is lame, while our tattooed stoat is dead.

We've been trying to create new freaks by getting a horse to mate with a monkey, but so far everything we've tried has failed. In fact, during yesterday's attempt one of my fellow employees got his arm broken, and cut his shin.

1 September 1998 - FREAK SHOW

We received a visit from the council yesterday, who warned that they might be forced to close our freak show down if we don't include some genuine freaks.

They didn't consider Jeremiah Johnson - our six-and-a-half ft tall man - to be tall enough to be classed a freak. Nor did they see what was so unusual about our "Bearded Man". I pointed out that his beard was unusually matted, but that didn't wash with them.

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