Landscape Designer
15/6/96-21/6/96
15 June 1996 - LANDSCAPE DESIGNER
I think I've got a talent for landscape gardening.
Consequently, I've set up a horticultural design consultancy called McGrath Consultancy. We aim to specialise in turning people's gardens into quarries, tar-pits, quaysides - you know the sort of thing.
I've taken on a part-time assistant to help me carry stuff about. His name is Julius St T-Shirt.
20 June 1996 - LANDSCAPE DESIGNER
I've had my first complaint resulting from a garden scaping job I did last week.
I'd been asked by the nephew of a couple of old nuns to turn their garden into an adventure playground for deprived thugs. I set about my task by replacing shrubs with barbed wire animals and filing the branches off all the trees.
The complaint? That my final bill - £64 - was simply too low!
21 June 1996 - LANDSCAPE DESIGNER
I've been running a promotion this week to boost my garden scaping business.
For every plant I accidentally destroy, customers will receive a voucher entitling them to a free Baywatch stationery set. And for each time I accidentally block up a customer's lavatory with turf, I put on a free body-popping show.
I'll also pledge my allegiance to the souls of regular customers' ancestors.
Diary Index | Previous | Next
