The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Patents Office


1 December 1998 - PATENTS OFFICE

I have a new job working at the Patents Office, or whatever it's called, granting patents to new inventions. We get some real crackpots in here, wanting patents for things that have already been invented.

For instance, last night some guy came in wanting the patent for what he described as the "Shelt-O-Barn: a roofed domicile, for the protection of inhabitants and the living in thereof". When I pointed out that his designs eerily resembled my own semi-detached house, he started crying.

2 December 1998 - PATENTS OFFICE

Working in the Patents Office is never dull. Last night some guy came in insisting we let him demonstrate his new invention, right there in the office.

We reluctantly agreed, but had to make him stop when we realised what the invention was: a home colonic irrigation kit. You had to feel for the bloke; this thing was clearly his life's passion. But sometimes you have to draw the line between what is and isn't acceptable behaviour in the Patents Office.

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