The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Phobia Doctor


8 November 1996 - PHOBIA DOCTOR

I've somehow managed to talk my way into a new job as a man who cures people of their phobias. I've got a big office and a special van with a buzzer on the top.

My first patient was a woman who had a phobia of yeast. My solution was to sit the woman in a cave dripping with rancid yeast. At five minute intervals I stripped off and, covered from head to toe in yeast, ran screaming through the cave. Though it's too early to be sure, I'm convinced the woman is cured.

13 November 1996 - PHOBIA DOCTOR

I've fallen foul of the Phobia Doctors' League, who disagree with me over some of my phobia cures.

They're particularly angry over my cure for people afraid of milk gums. I tie milk gums to a sheet of perspex and show it to the patient. Then, as they're crying from fear, I illuminate the hem of their trousers with a sparkler. My pleas have fallen on deaf ears, and the League has stripped me of my licence.

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