The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Pixie Hunter


10 October 1998 - PIXIE HUNTER

I've got a new job as the council Pixie Hunter. It's my job to roam the town searching for pixies, elves and other fantasy creatures of diminished stature, and when I find them I smash them up with a cricket bat.

It's already going well - last night I cornered a couple of leprechauns in an alley and showed them that this is one borough that won't tolerate their crock of gold/rainbow/four-leaf-clover-style antics. No amount of "begorrahs" could stop them from receiving the thrashing of their stupid, fantasy lives.

13 October 1998 - PIXIE HUNTER

My employers have given me a whole bag-full of specialist tools to assist with my fairy-destroying job specifications. The tools include a new claw-headed hammer, a couple of bricks, a sock full of snooker balls, a petrol bomb, a pointed stick, a pair of handcuffs and a hacksaw.

I've also taken to wearing a T-shirt bearing the legend: "FAIRIES, PIXIES, ELVES: SOON TO DIE (BY MY HAND)". That should show them who's boss.

Diary Index | Previous | Next