The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Special Pet Shop


4 March 1998 - SPECIAL PET SHOP

I've stopped designing a Millenium Dome to open up a cruelty-free pet shop. I don’t approve of people keeping animals as pets, so I stock a range of non-living items, or only semi-living organisms.

For £12.67, you’ll be able to get yourself a sponge in the shape of Tinky Winky out of the Teletubbies. Keeping the sponge is simplicity itself - just feed it with water once a day to keep the "skin" damp and supple.

5 March 1998 - SPECIAL PET SHOP

I’ve closed my special pet shop after just one day, as it’s potential was limited. I’ve got a new job as an airline steward. I tell you - this must be the toughest job on earth. We had Dick Whittinton on our flight last night, and the demands he made were outrageous. He originally asked for sausages for dinner, but when they arrived he demanded the salmon, and knocked the sossies out of my hands and into the lap of another passenger, possible Puss In Boots.

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