The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Millennium Dome


27 February 1998 - MILLENNIUM DOME

I've been hired by the government of a small banana republic to generate ideas for their Millennium Dome - based on the one being built in London.

To mark the millennium, I want to fill the dome with images of man's achievements and fears. Visitors will enter the dome in a small car (car = achievement), before passing through a tunnel which has got toy spiders (spider = fear) stuck on the walls. It'll be the greatest day out on Earth!

28 February 1998 - MILLENNIUM DOME

I'm planning The Greatest Day Out On Earth for visitors to my Millennium Dome, which will be the envy of the world.

Visitors will be free to experience pumpkins, courgettes and other squashes in The Squash Zone. From there they'll be carried on large hooks through Fan Belt County - a tribute to fan belts big and small.

The experience ends with a bunch of pygmies throwing rice and peas at them, signifying our cultural diversity.

2 March 1998 - MILLENNIUM DOME

My Millennium Dome plans have run over budget. Apparently, it's going to cost too much money to genetically engineer a eight foot-tall cow. This is a shame as I planned the cow to be the centrepiece of the whole exhibition. Visitors were going to be able to explore the cow via the miracle of intrusive endoscopic surgery.

Instead of my big cow, I’m having to use a couple of camp jugglers as the main attraction at my dome.

3 March 1998 - MILLENNIUM DOME

Plans for my Millennium Dome seem to keep changing on a daily basis. The commitee has changed the designs for the centrepiece of the dome, which is now planned to be a couple of tramps suspended from the ceiling. Apparently, this depicts humanity's ongoing struggle against homelessness, and filthy, flea-ridden old drunks.

As the tramps slowly revolve in their harnesses, they will be accompanied by the strains of Faith No More's cover version of Easy Like Sunday Morning.

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