The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Stage Magician


17 March 1997 - STAGE MAGICIAN

I've been having a rest, but I'm back with details of my new job. For the last week or so I've been a stage magician!

I plan to have the most innovative act on the circuit. I open the show by making a dog come out of a hoover. It's a trade secret, but I don't mind telling you that the dog is actually very small - and the hoover is twenty feet wide!

After this, I pour a load of snow into the back of a television.

18 March 1997 - STAGE MAGICIAN

I've been refining my magic act to include some amazing new tricks.

Audiences are likely to be astounded when I make a couple of doves fly into a bridge. How do I do it? Simple: the birds are drunk! I now close the show with my biggest trick yet - I make the audience disappear. I bet you're wondering how I pull that one off. Well, I simply pull a lever and the audience drop 30 feet through a trap door. They'll have absolutely no idea where they've gone!

19 March 1997 - STAGE MAGICIAN

They say that John Wayne is "big leggy" - but I'm intending to change all that!

During my magic show I saw the legs off a wooden effigy of Wayne, and the audience watch in astonishment as I smash the legs to pieces with a brick. Then I eat the "pieces of legs", confounding the audience, who have no idea how I'll get the legs back onto the effigy. Next I perform a tiring breakdance routine, which lasts two hours. After this the audience have forgotten about the legs.

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