The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


The Land Of Oz


29 February 2000 - THE LAND OF OZ

I've bought a new house in the magical Land of Oz. My house is situated on the Yellow Brick Road, just outside of Munchkin Village. I like living here, but you know what those Munchkins are like.

Last night I was woken at 1am by a gang of them dancing about drunk on my lawn, singing about lollipops. I tried to scare them away by lifting up my nightshirt, but they just swore at me, and one of them put a clog through my window. Don't worry, I called my friend the Wicked Witch of the South, who came and did them in with a shovel.

1 March 2000 - THE LAND OF OZ

Living in the magical Land Of Oz is a lot of fun, but I can do without all these flying monkeys. I caught one in my garden last night, feeding on my cabbages. I later found a scarecrow by the roadside, which I erected in my cabbage patch to keep the monkeys away.

Alas, that didn't last long - a frayed wire on my garden strimmer caused a spark which ignited the scarecrow. It's funny, but the way the flames caused him to writhe, and the way the wind whistled through his chest, I could have sworn he was screaming in pain.

2 March 2000 - THE LAND OF OZ

While hoeing my beds last night, I was startled to see a lion trotting along the lane towards me. Mercifully, this was no ordinary lion, but a bipedal, talking lion. Curious as to his origins, I invited him inside for lemon tea, but he shied away in a most cowardly fashion.

I approached him with a palm extended, but he hid in a bush. As a natural bully at heart, I chose to take advantage on this "cowardly lion", calling him names and throwing bricks at him until I got bored.

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