22 January 2000
Holy cow - I'm Phoning Honey, the telephonic pranksty! It's my job to phone the games shops and give them a gay old time!
But what's this? A new thing for Honey to do? Yes. This week Phoning Honey is calling one of the UK's premier games developers, and giving them a gentle joshing. Ha ha ha!
As ever, young Honey has taken the liberty of altering the names of those involved. Heap um Honey he so cowardly!
US: Hello, sir. Is that the development department?
PD: Well it's one of them.
US: Could you inform I of your policy with regard to submitting ideas.
PD: Ideas for games? It's generally done in-house, mate.
US: I'm with you. So you wouldn't even consider a proposal from a freelancer? I've already had a degree of interest from Infogrames.
PD: Well, the thing is I can't even let you tell me the idea over the phone anyway. For, y'know, legal reasons.
US: I'm not a criminal!
PD: No, no. It's like, say we were already working on an idea a bit like yours. What could happen is that you tell us the idea, and then when the game comes out, like, you try and sue us for ripping off your idea.
US: No, sorry. You've lost me completely there.
PD: Look, it's just... basically we can't take your idea.
US: But it's an excellent idea. I've drawn a picture of what it'll look like and everything.
PD: I'm sure it is a great idea. But as it stands we can't accept it.
US: But what if someone else accepted it, and it became the biggest game ever? You'd feel like George Best out of The Beatles.
PD: Well, PETE Best does alright for himself out of royalties, I think.
US: What do you mean? What has that got to do with anything? Look, at least let me give you a broad overview of the whole idea.
PD: But I can't...
US: Sssh! Just let let me.
PD: I can't!
US: You can! Just hear me out. Please.
PD: OK, look, our development slate is full anyway. Even if it was a great idea, we couldn't take it on. Sorry.
US: It's a platform game.
PD: I'm going to have to go now.
US: It's got Lara Croft in it, except this Lara Croft has got the head of a cow. I call her Ms Bovine. She hits clam shells with her beak. The name of the game? Beakus Strike!
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