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The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Fast-Food Franchise



I've got the franchise to run a fast-food bar called Burgeration.

As manager, it's my job to come up with money-saving ideas. The best ones I've had are to pad out the burger patties with pulped bracken, and to replace the lavatory paper with gloves out of the lost property cupboard.

I've also developed a new kind of pie filling made out of steamed denim.


Here are even more of my new burger bar meal concepts:

The Dynamic Multi-Threat: two large saucers of whey protein, topped with alternate layers of cat hair and vitamin E.

The New Power Crust Compound: dinosaur-shaped nuggets of baked skunk pulp.

The Double Element Risk: fourteen parcels of bitter chitin bound together by grilled giraffe ligaments.


Here are even more of my new burger bar meal concepts:

The Double Victorian: flash-fried bubbles of stomach gas, plastered with soot and marinaded in a tasty cocktail of anti-biotics.

The Towering In-Fur-No: No fur here, but plenty of nutritious rat faces! We steam the faces until they're just so, and then we spray them with a powerful mixture of chocolate and bleach.


We had the health and safety inspectors round yesterday, and I've been forced to close Burgeration down.

Apparently they objected the large, automatic spider's web which I've constructed in cold storage.

As the inspectors entered, one of them became entangled in the web. The web activated its defences, removed the man's shirt and sprayed his front with giblets. He looked so funny!

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