Mayor Of London
6 MAY 2016 - MAYOR OF LONDON
Following a landslide victory, I've got a new job as the Mayor of London. It was considered a landslide victory after a landslide defeated all my competitors by killing them, leaving me the only candidate by default.
My first task as Mayor is to clean up the landslide. I have decided to do this by hiring some bears to eat the landslide that I caused. I don't know much about bears, but I do know that the vast majority of them are currently unemployed.
Some of my advisors have asked me to do some further research into whether it's safe for bears to eat landslides, but I'm going with my gut on this one. I don't know why, but I just have a really vivid picture in my head of twenty or so bears gobbling up a landslide - and being fine about it.
My second task as mayor, is to hold a memorial ceremony in honour of those I defeated, by holding a public tribute where I'll push some bits of speck down a playground slide, onto the word "LAND", which I will have chalked on the pavement.