13 April 1997 - VAMPIRE HUNTER
I've decided to end this terrible vampire curse once and for all, by destroying the boss vampire. I've travelled to Transylvania, and located the home of the vampire boss. He lives in a semi-detached house opposite a sweet shop.
The vampire boss, Andrew Sullivan, 36, won't know what's hit him. I intend to spit holy water in his eye, and then knock him about with a wet towel. It's well known that vampires hate being flicked with wet towels.