The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Amateur Dramatics


5 September 1997 - AMATEUR DRAMATICS

I've had to quit my job as a dairy farmer after I was mauled by two of the cows. However, I've won a starring role in a local amateur dramatics society presentation of Starlight Express.

Due to the lack of budget we can only afford three characters. We've also had to change the script so that we don't have to fork out for expensive "train" costumes. Our Starlight Express is about three actors having a race around a stage.

6 September 1997 - AMATEUR DRAMATICS

The am-dram society is putting together a version of Grease. Unfortunately, our budget is so low that we've had to make drastic changes to the script.

Our version is about two men who met on holiday, and later bump into each other on a church hall stage. We've had to axe all the music because we can't afford instruments, so the songs have become poems. And we've changed the title of "Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee" to "Look At Me I'm Dennis Francis".

8 September 1997 - AMATEUR DRAMATICS

The opening night of the am-dram society's version of Apocalypse Now didn't go exactly according to plan.

Several of the changes made to the script - such as moving the setting from Vietnam to Wales, and having clowns instead of soldiers - didn't go down well with the audience, who booed and threw paper cups throughout. I was in the middle of my big soliloquy when one guy actually mounted the stage and tried to push me off. I wouldn't have minded, but it was my own father.

9 September 1997 - AMATEUR DRAMATICS

I got a bit nervous last night when I heard that a local celebrity was in the audience for our presentation of Les Miserables.

I started to worry that the celebrity - who was rumoured to be Jeremy Irons - would notice that we'd based our script for the musical on some postcards I'd found in a dustbin. We needn't have worried; "Jeremy Irons" turned out to be a drunken vagrant who had wandered in through the fire escape. Rest assured we had him destroyed.

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