10 September 1997 - PLUMBER
I've left the amateur dramatics society, and have a new job as a plumber. You wouldn't believe the mess some people get into with their plumbing!
Take last night - I was called out to an old people's home, to find that an old person had plumbed his washing machine in in such a cack-handed fashion, that he'd somehow connected himself to the pipes. Whenever the spin cycle started the man's pants fell down and water gushed out of his mouth.
12 September 1997 - PLUMBER
Yesterday I was helping a man from Scotland break the world record for having the biggest plughole on earth. Unfortunately, just as I'd finished installing it, I fell in, and was trapped there for an hour while the Scotsman had a bath.
When he let the water out it was disgusting. I don't know what the man had been doing, but the water smelled of sushi and was a murky orange colour. What's more, I got a mouthful of raw liver. At least, I think it was liver.