The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


At His Friend's


21 September 1995 - AT HIS FRIEND'S

My friend Eldritch and I built a monster today out of some old stuff.

We filled a hoover bag with tuna, stuck an aerial on it, and plugged it in. The beast juddered into life and crashed through the window.

We found it outside in the street. It had split open and a couple of tramps were scraping the tuna into their mouths. It was disgusting.

22 September 1995 - AT HIS FRIEND'S

Eldritch and I have built another monster.

This time we strapped a load of bacon to a car battery and put it on top of a record player.

The beast span out of control and the bacon came flying off, leaving long greasy marks on the wall. A couple of tramps were watching, and asked us if they could have the bacon. Eldritch said no, because he was going to use it in a casserole.

23 September 1995 - AT HIS FRIEND'S

Eldritch and I have built possibly the ultimate monster.

We nailed a radio to a skateboard, sprayed it with chicken fat, and sent it rolling down the path.

When the beast reached the garden gate, two tramps picked it up and started licking the fat off. We asked them to stop, but one of them broke the gate.

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