The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Being A Hypnotist


26 March 1996 - BEING A HYPNOTIST

I've discovered I have a gift for hypnotism, and have begun a stage career under the name The Irascible Pig.

In my first show, I asked the audience to imagine they were at the seaside. The ones who I decided would make suitable subjects all had sand flecked around their mouths, which was funny.

I dragged them into the stand and tried to convince them that I was Robert De Niro, but they just wouldn't have it.

27 March 1996 - BEING A HYPNOTIST

I've been honing my hypnotism skills by attempting to mesmerise shoppers in the local mall.

My technique is as follows: I go right up to the top level and dangle a metal plug over into the atrium. When people look at it, I shout down this hypnotic slogan: "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear".

The first person I tried it on was a security guard, who became confused and fell down some steps into an ashtray.

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