The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Being A Smuggler


22 March 1996 - BEING A SMUGGLER

My first smuggling run went awfully well! I hid a load of castors under an apron and ran screaming through customs.

When one of the officials questioned me, I bluffed my way out of it by telling him I was his boss. He didn't want to let me go at first, but when I threatened to smother him, he waved me through.

I sold the castors at a car boot sale in Israel.

23 March 1996 - BEING A SMUGGLER

I'm planning my most ambitious smuggling project yet. There's a shortage of shells in Poland, so I spent all last night combing the beach for the little shiners.

I managed to find 63, and plan to hide them in a consignment of bracelets.

The beauty of it is that smuggling shells into Poland isn't illegal, so I'm unlikely to get into any trouble.

25 March 1996 - BEING A SMUGGLER

Imagine you were a customs official and some bloke comes in with a load of burnt cogs.

Well, that's exactly the position one customs official found himself in when I came in with a load of what looked like burnt cogs, but were actually tiny macro-books.

My mission was to smuggle the macro-books into France with a view to establishing a new market for this neglected product. Sadly, I got nicked.

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