The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Bird Sanctuary


17 March 1998 - BIRD SANCTUARY

I have decided to open a bird sanctuary. Unfortunately I’m not entirely what one is, so I’ve had to go by my best guess. I’ve sort of put a couple of bird tables in my back garden, and scattered some seeds around. There are some speakers pumping out soothing music, which I hope will attract the birds. I’ve also painted a picture of Big Bird on the wall. I’m just waiting for a couple of birds to show up.

18 March 1998 - BIRD SANCTUARY

I had a couple of visitors to my bird sanctuary last night, but they weren’t terribly impressed by the lack of birds. I attempted to compensate by showing them a couple of posters of some birds, but they just said I was being "A fat dunce". As they tried to leave, I pulled on the man’s shirt and tried to make a cuckoo sound, but it just came out like a swear word. A really unfortunate fight broke out.

19 March 1998 - BIRD SANCTUARY

I’ve been told by the Advertising Standards Authority that I’m no longer allowed to call my bird sanctuary a bird sanctuary due to the lack of real birds. I met with them for about an hour, during which time we went over the various points of what does and doesn’t qualify as a bird sanctuary. Something which surprised me is that the lack of birds isn’t the biggest problem - it’s the huge sign out the front which reads " Donkey Heaven" which they objected to.

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