The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Wizard Of Oz


20 March 1998 - WIZARD OF OZ

Something awful happened to me last night: my house was blown by the wind into my neighbour’s garden. At least, that’s what I thought at first, but it turned out that it wasn’t my neighbour's garden, but the magical land of Oz.

I was greeted by a race of little guys called The Munchies, or something. They sang me a song and then introduced me to their god: a tractor tire hanging on a knotted rope from a drainpipe. They said his name was TX4-A7.

21 March 1998 - WIZARD OF OZ

I don’t like being in the Magical Land Of Oz: it’s not exactly scary, but stuff happens here that makes me get really confused.

The Munchies have told me that if I ever want to get home I’m going to have to follow the Yellow Brick Road. I asked how they knew that it lead home, when I hadn’t even told them where I came from, but they just sort of laughed. I’m hoping the Yellow Brick Road is some sort of big, round road like the M25, and that the junction to my house will be clearly signposted.

23 March 1998 - WIZARD OF OZ

I’ve started to follow The Yellow Brick Road in an attempt to get home. Last night I met with a scarecrow in a field, who I thought was whispering at me.

It turned out that it wasn’t whispering - in fact, it wasn’t even alive. The wind was blowing through the straw in his chest, creating a gentle rustling sound. Even so, the thought was enough to freak me out, and I began to cry. I’d just finished crying when a tramp came along and asked if I could lend him 50p to get home.

24 March 1998 - WIZARD OF OZ

There's something about his yellow brick road which isn't quite right. Letme tell you - I’ve met some crazy characters on my journey to meet the so - called "Wizard" of Oz. I’m travelling with a filthy tramp who hopes the Wizard will give him enough money to buy some Strongbow.

Last night we were joined by a skinny man who hasn't got any tact. He's hoping the Wizard will send him to a therapist so that he may address his severe personality disorder.

25 March 1998 - WIZARD OF OZ

I was a trifle disappointed upon meeting the so - called "wonderful" Wizard of Oz last night - the Wizard wasn't a person at all, it was just a device for stitching labels in the back of school uniforms.

My travelling companions and I were somewhat disheartened by this surprising turn of events, though we were relieved that a passer-by could provide us with directions home. I’ll never forget my exciting adventure in... THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF OZ!

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