The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Chocolate Factory


9 February 1998 - CHOCOLATE FACTORY

I've given up my trans-global balloon attempt, following physical threats from those bully-boys at the Civil Aviation Authority.

I've decided to invest my savings in a Willy Wonka-style chocolate factory, confident that I can instill a feeling of awe into youthful visitors. Unfortunately, much of the factory is unsafe at present and I've been told to replace the chocolate presses following the decapitation of a worker a few weeks ago. But even so - this is still the choclietest place on earth!

10 February 1998 - CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Work is proceeding well on my Willy Wonka-style choc factory. I've just ordered a machine which makes ever-lasting white chocolate fingers. I call it the "Super Device 2000".

I've already had some thoughts about some other confections, including fizzy eggs, sugared pies, jam roly-moleys, and crunchy squid. And all my sweets come with a guaranteed promise not to contain bits of glass, rope, or fragments of a holy shroud.

11 February 1998 - CHOCOLATE FACTORY

I've decided to hold a competition which will allow six lucky members of the public to see the inside of my factory. Due to Government legislation, at least half these members of the public must be health-and-safety inspectors.

It'll be OK though - the factory has been made mostly safe now. We've taken the dead crabs out of the lemonade tanks and the fire extinguishers have been replaced with real ones. I've even made sure some of the fire escapes are unblocked!

12 February 1998 - CHOCOLATE FACTORY

I've been showing six members of the public around my chocolate factory. Unfortunately the initially buoyant mood took a bit of a dive when one of the visitors was struck on the head by fallen masonry, and had to be treated by paramedics. The moment after this happened, another visitor, Grandpa Joe, was accidentally strangled by a flailing electric flex. It’s all very sad, but he shouldn’t have sat on that clearly unfinished bidet.

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