The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Del Boy-Style Trader


15 January 1997 - DEL BOY-STYLE TRADER

I've had enough of being a detective, so I've got a job as a "Del Boy-style" market trader. I've even got an idiot brother called Robley. "Hello, Dave!" Ha ha ha.

I was down the market yesterday trying to flog a load of dodgy cameras I'd bought off a gangster. The cameras looked alright, but when you pressed the button, the front fell off and a load of ice cubes fell out. Also, red hot steam shot out of the viewfinder. I sold the lot for fifty knicker.

16 January 1997 - DEL BOY-STYLE TRADER

Me and my brother Robley came into possession of forty unusual toasters last night. What's unusual about them? Well, for a start you put the bread in a slot in the side, which is fairly unusual.

Also, when the toaster tries to cook the bread it just makes a buzzing sound and emits dangerous sparks. Not only do the sparks fail to cook the bread, but they're also very hot. Poor old Robley got the shock of his life - literally - when he put his tongue in the slot.

17 January 1997 - DEL BOY-STYLE TRADER

Selling dodgy stuff down the market is all well and good, but Robley and me are getting bored with it. For a change we've hired ourselves out as chandelier putter-uppers - with hilarious results!

Some old rich bird wants us to put a chandelier up in her giant aviary. Ordinarily this wouldn't be a problem, but poor Robley is allergic to birds. You should have seen the laughs we had getting that chandelier up. Old Robley kept lapsing into a coma!

18 January 1997 - DEL BOY-STYLE TRADER

The social services have asked me and Robley to look after our Uncle Fred Alpert, who has just been released from a special clinic.

It appears that the clinic can no longer cope with Alpert's bizarre behaviour. Sometimes he's really happy and telling jokes, but other times he just sits in the corner and sulks. When the clinic staff try to knock him out of the corner with their special sticks, he just swears at them. He sounds hilarious!

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