14 June 1997 - DOCTOR
A man came into my surgery last night saying he felt like a pair of curtains. I prescribed a him a course of strong anti-depressants.
He came back a while later saying the pills were making him hear voices, and that he now felt like a snooker ball. My diagnosis was that the man had a mild allergic reaction to the medication. I remedied the matter by reducing the strength of the prescription. Unfortunately the man was hit by a bus on the way to the chemist.
18 June 1997 - DOCTOR
I had a patient come into my surgery last night complaining of twisty face and elbow knock-knock. I took one look at the man and realised his condition was far more serious: the knock-knock and the twisty had spread into snapping of the cloughie, blackening of the curlie wurlie and uglifying of the secondary rumpling valve.
Knowing how contagious this could be, I threw the man out of my surgery and refused to treat him.