20 June 1997 - HAIRDRESSER
I've got a new job now as a hairdresser. I tell you - some of the freaks we get in here would turn your stomach. Last night I had some old bird asking for a perm. I pushed her head in the sink to wash her hair and three live baby squid fell out.
I probed her head with my comb and discovered it was literally teeming with aquatic life. Most disturbing of all was a shrivelled miniature drowned sailor which had become trapped under her fringe.
21 June 1997 - HAIRDRESSER
Honestly, I swear some of the old bags we get in here only come in to talk. I was trying to bleach some woman's head yesterday and she would not shut up about her husband's gout. I eventually lost my temper and hit her on the top of the head with my sweeping brush.
Every time she opened her mouth to speak after that I trod on her foot, and gave three sharp taps on the sink with my scissors. I think she got the message.
24 June 1997 - HAIRDRESSER
My hairdryer short-circuited while I was drying a customer's hair yesterday, and set fire to his glasses. He hadn't noticed, so I rushed to extinguish the flames with trimmed hair from the floor. I successfully did so, but the customer only saw me shoving handfuls of hair down his back, and went ballistic.
He leapt out of his chair and splashed water at me from the tap. Then he knocked a bottle of conditioner over, and ran out of the shop, crying.