1 July 1994 - IN CAPTIVITY
Denny Laine led me on a tour of the secret Wings base last night. It was quite a sight; they've built it out of a dead volcano.
The bit at the top has been covered by two massive, wooden doors, which are voice activated. Say the word "plonke-e", and the doors will open.
2 July 1994 - IN CAPTIVITY
There was a big meeting last night which all the members of Wings had to attend.
Denny Laine spoke for the most part, but at the climax, he began to shriek - a sound which caused a stone pillar to shatter, revealing the true mastermind behind their scheme - Andy Rourke out of The Smiths!
5 July 1994 - IN CAPTIVITY
Wings, and their evil leader, Andy Rourke out of The Smiths, have strapped me to a giant, plastic girl.
They plan to launch me into infinity, where I will discover new worlds for them to conquer.
One of these worlds is made of compressed air.