The Man With A Long Chin's Diary




19 June 2000 - LIBRARIAN

I've got a new job working in the local library. You wouldn't think it, but life as a librarian is full of surprises and shocks. Yesterday for example, I got to visit the store room on the top floor. Here the library keeps its forbidden texts.

I uncovered a number of rare and controversial books, including several Catherine Cookson novels bound in flesh. Also, there's a unique copy of Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch, in which the author has scribbled an expletive across the top of page 134.

20 June 2000 - LIBRARIAN

It's real big fun being a librarian, particularly as my manager, Cheif Librarian FR Piper is a bit of an eccentric. Piper is forcing me to work alongside a stuffed polar bear, whom he claims is a concession to fulfilling the library's minority staff quotas.

Though that probably sounds mildly amusing, I was terrified yesterday when Piper disciplined the bear for doing no work. I tried to intervene, pointing out that he was an inanimate, stuffed thing, when Piper pulled out a saw, and began hacking at the bear's knees.

21 June 2000 - LIBRARIAN

I think I'm going to have to stop being a librarian now, as my employer, Chief Librarian FR Piper, has fired me, and burnt down the library. I turned up for work this morning to find Piper standing outside the blazing building, rubbing his hands together, and muttering about getting a big insurance payout.

When I mentioned that the library is owned by the council, and that Piper was merely an employee of the council, tears began to well up in his eyes, and he ran off through some bushes. And then he FROZE TO DEATH!

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