The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Monkey Teacher


20 February 1999 - MONKEY TEACHER

I've stopped visiting other dimensions now, and have a new job in a top secret Government research lab, trying to increase the intelligence of chimpanzees.

I'm the chimps' teacher, but so far things aren't going too well. Yesterday I took a maths lesson, but every time one of the chimps pulled his lips back over his teeth, or put an arm over his head, I started laughing. I don't know what it is about monkeys, but they just make me wanna laugh.

23 February 1999 - MONKEY TEACHER

I have had a breakthrough in my efforts to increase the intelligence of chimpanzees. Last night I spent an infinite amount of time with an infinite amount of apes. In the end, they managed to produce the complete works of William Shakespeare - from King Lear to Shakespeare In Love.

I believe that this is all the teaching the chimps require, and I have now sent them out to get jobs. I believe one of them wants to become a partridge salesman, another, a pug farmer.

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