The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Monkey Trainer


4 September 1996 - MONKEY TRAINER

I'm less bored now, so I've decided to get a job. The job I've decided to get is this: monkey trainer.

It's my job to train monkeys how to behave in public, and to peform menial tasks for rich people.

The monkey I am currently training - a gibbon called Ezra-the-Half - has already learnt how to buy things from shops. I have celebrated this success by having a dance with Ezra-the-Half.

5 September 1996 - MONKEY TRAINER

I've been hired to train a load of monkeys to fly hang gliders. This probably sounds a bit weird, but allow me to explain why I'm doing it.

The owner of the monkeys lives on top of a very steep hill, and sometimes he can't be bothered to go to the shops. He has an idea to send the monkeys to the shops at the bottom of the hill in their hang gliders, and then throw them a rope so that they can get back up again. Then he's going to eat them.

6 September 1996 - MONKEY TRAINER

The monkeys I've been training are getting out of hand. Last night while I was trying to show them how to pull a pint, their leader, a big mandrill called Alan Corin, bit me on the forehead.

I tried telling him off, but it just looked like he was laughing at me. It made me really angry in the end, so I went swimming for an hour or so. By the time I got back the monkeys had totally trashed the classroom.

7 September 1996 - MONKEY TRAINER

I'm considering quitting my job as a monkey teacher. Last night I had little choice but to keep the monkeys behind after school, when they refused to answer as I called the register.

Most of them clapped their hands across their mouths, while others just stared out the window or hissed.

The final straw came when one of the monkeys jumped on the desk and threw a bit of paper at me.

Diary Index | Previous | Next