Man Diary - With Prints




4 January 1995 - PERFUMIER

I've got a new job working behind the perfume counter in a large department store. Just my luck to get into trouble on the first day!

How was I to know I wasn't allowed to drink from the bottles during my lunch break? The manager punished me with a damp clog.

5 January 1995 - PERFUMIER

Working on a perfume counter is not good. We had a delivery of a new fragrance called Fleshy last night. It's supposed to smell like horse breath, but in actual fact reeks more like an unwashed cushion.

Four customers came back to complain. One even smashed the bottle over my till.

6 January 1995 - PERFUMIER

My boss sent me to collect a fresh batch of perfume from the depot last night.

Everything was fine until I loaded it on the van. One of the boxes split apart, and a new fragrance called Bench! rolled out. I chased after it but gave up when the bottle span into a cab, and drove off to Jersey.

7 January 1995 - PERFUMIER

I quit my job on the perfume counter last night. Why? I'll tell you why.

Darren Crench, my assistant, complained to the store manager when I threw liver directly at him.

It was only intended as a harmless ruse, but that didn't stop me having my face smacked up.

Diary Index | Previous | Next