February 18th 2000 - VAMPIRE
I was bitten by a vampire last night and have since become a vampire myself. It's quite a good job, but being a vegetarian is making life difficult. I've been experimenting with different fruits and vegetables to find the perfect human blood substitute. Alas, not even blood oranges or peas are suitable.
I even tried drinking some fake blood from a joke shop, but it went down the wrong way and I coughed it all up over my shirt. It wouldn't be so bad, but it's quite a light-coloured shirt and these stains can be a pain to remove.
February 19th 2000 - VAMPIRE
I've been having a lot of fun biting animals and turning them into vampires. I visited the zoo last night, and turned the following creatures into vampires: a small monkey, a slightly larger monkey, a penguin, two yaks, a gnu, and something which looked a bit like the New Schmoo.
Best of all, of course, are the vampire monkeys; they're funny and deadly at the same time. Unfortunately, I forget about the whole vampire/sunlight thing, and all of the animals were obliterated the minute dawn broke.
February 21th 2000 - VAMPIRE
Being a vampire is excellent, but I'm getting really down about this nocturnal lifestyle. It means I miss either Richard And Judy or Kilroy. I used to tape Kilroy while watching Richard And Judy, but now, because I can't get up during the day, I have to choose to tape one or the other. Of course, I could always buy two videos...
Then again, Kilroy hasn't been up to its usual standard recently. Kilroy seems to have lost his verve, so maybe I'll stop watching. Yes, being a Lord Of Darkness is not without its issues.
Copyright © Chris Bell 1997-2012. All Rights Lovingly Fondled.