Astrology Section

8 May 1998 - ASTROLOGY SECTION

I've become an astrologer. Here are the stars:

CAPRICORN
The big bush at the bottom of your garden will catch alight tonight. Take precautions by covering it in a fire-retarding sheet. Your lucky ball is: Cricket Ball.

LEO
You'll be visited at 2.05 pm by a man claiming to be Daddy Cool. Do not invite him into your house, as he is really Count Dracula. Your lucky ball is: Beach Ball.

9 May 1998 - ASTROLOGY SECTION

I've become an astrologer. Here are the stars:

ARIES
You will get drunk today and find yourself reeling about on the shallers of a mandrill. The mandrill's name will be Mr. Monkey. Your lucky hat is: Easter bonnet.

LOFTY
The only people who talk to you today will be your butcher, and a man who claims to want to buy your telephone. Don't let him do this - he is really a serial killer called Danny Swift. Your lucky hat is: Space helmet.

11 May 1998 - ASTROLOGY SECTION

I've become an astrologer. Here are the stars:

• GEMINI

  You'll finally find that five pound note you lost - your insane grandmother had taken it to be cleaned. She will return the note at 7.35 pm today. Your lucky nickname is: "Big Ears".

• WOLFSTRADDLER

  Today is a good day to decorate your living room, as you have just bought a load of wallpaper and paint and stuff. The paint is a terracotta colour for a Mediterranean feel. Your lucky nickname is: "Pongo".

15 May 1998 - ASTROLOGY SECTION

I've become an astrologer. Here are the stars:

LEO
You won't feel a thing today when you are hit over the skull by a clown's monkey. This is because you have contracted a bizarre nervous disorder. Your lucky fun-fair ride is: helter-skelter.

COCKNEY
Today is a good day for you; a friend will give you his tickets for a recording of Have I Got News For You. He can't go because he has to attend his uncle's funeral. Your lucky fun-fair ride is: the waltzer.

Diary Index | Previous | Next

Home