5 February 1998 - BALLOON ATTEMPT
My attempt to float around the world in a big balloon hit a snag last night when thieves broke into my garden shed and stole my mower. Unfortunately, they left the shed door open, and the wind blew my balloon out of the shed and into my neighbour’s garden. I’m waiting for permission to go into his garden to get the balloon back. The trouble is, my neighbour doesn’t like me much because I once called his wife "kidney". I just hope he doesn’t try to burst my balloon with his new garden fork.
8 February 1998 - BALLOON ATTEMPT
I fear I shall have to abandon my trans-global balloon attempt. Civil aviation authorities have written to inform me that many of my plans for my voyage are illegal under international law. Apparently, I won’t be allowed to throw darts out of the balloon, or drop Marxist propaganda over Canada. In addition, I’m told I’ll be shot down if a bare backside is spotted hanging over the side of the basket. I’m having discussions with them, but I don’t feel particularly confident.