26 July 2000 - CRAB POLISHER
I've got a new job polishing a big brass crab that's been built in the local shopping centre. Though crab-polishing may not sound like a full-time position, let me tell you that it is a very large crab.
The best thing about my job is the equipment I get to use. I wear a special overall with the letters "CP" ("Crab Polisher") embroidered on the back. Also, I have a long squigee mop, which certainly comes in handy for the getting the grime out from between the mandibles.
27 July 2000 - CRAB POLISHER
It's hard work polishing the big brass crab that's been built in the local shopping centre. My days are spent crawling around on the back of the crab, scrubbing its shell with a wire brush soaked in industrial Brasso.
Yesterday I slid off the crab, and landed in a heap on the floor. Not one person tried to help me up, and while I lay there, some kid threw a Chupa-Chups at me, and said: "Crab man fall off go bang on floor ha ha". When I told my boss he just laughed.
28 July 2000 - CRAB POLISHER
I think I'm going to have to give up my job as the official polisher of a big brass crab that they've built in the local shopping centre. The crab is so large that once I've reached the far side of its flanks, the other end has once again become covered in grime and smuts and the cycle begins anew. I'm exhausted.
It's got so that I've even begun dreaming about the crab. Last night I dreamt I was polishing it. When I reached the far side of its flanks the other end had once again become covered in grime and smuts.