28 September 1996 - ENGLISH TEACHER
Teaching English in a foreign country is driving me crazy. It's so hot lessons have to be held outside - in a rivet! Underwater!
Also, lunch times are utterly mad. I have to queue up with my class outside the witch doctor's hut and coo gently until the funny little man throws us some bananas or coconuts.
We then have to jar them without using our hands.
2 October 1996 - OVERSEAS TEACHER
I sense I'm starting to lose control of my class. Yesterday, during a home economics lesson, two of the pupils cooked a pie in the shape of a nightclub.
When I broke the pie open with my fist, I was bitten on the throat by a baby crocodile hidden inside. I tried to punish the boys for their actions, but they just laughed and made threatening gestures with their eyes.
4/10/96 - OVERSEAS TEACHER
Predictably, I've quit my job as a teacher at a foreign school. The final straw came during a PE lesson.
I was having the children throw a medicine ball to each other, when one particularly unruly pupil tore the leather skin open and drank the medicine inside!
That was bad enough, but then he started break-dancing and dissing my fly-girl.