10 October 1998 - PIXIE HUNTER
I've got a new job as the council Pixie Hunter. It's my job to roam the town searching for pixies, elves and other fantasy creatures of diminished stature, and when I find them I smash them up with a cricket bat.
It's already going well - last night I cornered a couple of leprechauns in an alley and showed them that this is one borough that won't tolerate their crock of gold/rainbow/four-leaf-clover-style antics. No amount of "begorrahs" could stop them from receiving the thrashing of their stupid, fantasy lives.