11 July 1997 - SUPER-HERO
I've got a new job now as a super-hero. My name is Captain Foam, because I can spray foam out of the bottoms of my trousers.
My arch-enemy is a man called Dave Pacey, who lives at the bottom of my road. He drives a grey Vauxhall Astra with only one functioning headlight. The fiend doesn't care that this probably violates road safety regulations. I'm gonna get him, and make sure he pays. For a new headlight to be fitted.
12 July 1997 - SUPER-HERO
I've finally ended the reign of terror brought about by the malfunctioning headlight on the car of my arch-enemy, Dave Pacey.
I confronted him about the headlight in the street, and secretly taped him saying "I don't care what you think about my headlight". When I informed him that he might hit a cyclist he replied, "Good", and walked away. I reported him to the police immediately, and then threw a stone-filled sock through his living room window.
18 July 1997 - SUPER-HERO
I've finally tracked down the villain who's been going around putting chewed bubble gum "noses" on posters. For years this fiend has been chewing gum, then spitting it out, forming it into the shape of a nose, and affixing it to the faces of people in adverts.
I can tell you, I got a bit of a shock when I found out who was doing it - it was me! Apparently, I've been suffering selective amnesia. Suffice to say, I handed myself into the police.